


before I go

by legolqs



Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Death, Deathfic, M/M, Sadness, aralas - Freeform, majorcharacterdeath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:29:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23960839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legolqs/pseuds/legolqs
Summary: Aragorn writes Legolas a letter before he dies, legolas reads the letter from the one he loves.
Relationships: Aragorn | Estel/Legolas Greenleaf
Kudos: 24





	before I go

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry I can literally only write angst and MCD ahhh but I hope y’all like this

The letter rests in his trembling hands, waiting to be opened. He hesitated before slowly turning the paper over and unfolding it. A soft cry escaped his lips as he saw the beautifully messy handwriting that he recognized instantly. He wanted to read it oh so badly, but he also didn’t, for it would remind him of his love, and he just wanted to forget. He wanted to forget all of the amazing times he has shared with the ranger who he wished he could call his. He wanted to push away all the memories and shove them into a box and burn them, never to see them again. He wished they would all just go away and he could forget, forget the stolen glances, the late night conversations, and everything else. Why did he have to fall in love with a mortal? Why did he have to fall in love at all? His father said it hurt so much because it was real, but he wished it wasn’t. If this was love, he didn’t want it. After what had felt like an eternity, he decided to read.  
  


_dear Legolas,  
  
Parting with you is probably one of the hardest things I will ever have to do. I think I will miss you the most. I don’t know what comes after death, i don’t know if there is an after life or if I will fade and become nothing, but what I do know is that I will miss you. I’ll miss you so much my heart will ache.  
_

_Legolas, oh my legolas, I loved you. I loved you more than anything, more than life itself, and all I did everyday was think about what life would have been like with you. I know you probably do not share these feelings, and that is okay. It is okay if you never saw me as more than a friend, or a brother at most, but I just needed you to know before I parted this world.  
_

_Everyone always said that I was one of the bravest men they had ever met, but that is untrue. I couldn’t even tell you how I felt. I couldn’t even confess my feelings, and now it’s too late. I have always regretted that and always will. I was scared, I think. I was scared of rejection, I was scared to lose my best friend, but now that I am leaving, I need you to know. Legolas, I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you. You brought light to my life. You helped me up when I fell down, you stayed with me through thick and thin, never leaving my side no matter what happened, and for that, I am eternally grateful.  
  
_

_if there is any chance that you felt the same, I am sorry. Even as I am writing this, I realize how truly stupid I was._

_I want you to promise me something before I go. Please don’t be angry that I am leaving. It is what I must do. You don’t have to understand it, you don’t have to agree with me, but please try to accept it._

_I will miss you more than anything in the world. I will miss our jokes that only we understood, i will miss our hunting trips, gosh I will even miss you teasing me about my messy hair. I will miss everything about you mellon. You were the best thing that ever came into my life and I am so happy that I got to spend my life with you, even if I don’t get to be with you I’m the way I wanted, at least I got to be your friend.  
  
_

_I love you legolas, I hope you know that now.  
  
thank you for everything,_

_Estel._

Tears fell freely from his eyes. ‘He loved me. He loved me, gosh he loved me and I loved him and I never told him because I was too much of a whimp. We could have been together. We could have woken up every morning in each other’s presence, I could have kissed him for real, not just in my dreams. I could have called him mine. I could have had him. Why couldn’t the valar let me have him? Why did it have to be like this?’ Legolas began to sob, gut wrenching screams of pain and suffering echoed through the halls of mirkwood.   
  


tears flew from the princes eyes as he fell to his knees. “Why, Estel, why did you have to leave me?” Was all he could get out before becoming completely unable to breathe. He tried, he tried to breathe, to stop crying, to be strong, to pull it together for the sake of his kingdom and be the prince they needed, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do it anymore. He had gone through many deaths, for most of his mortal friends had passed already, but this was it. This was the one that would kill him. He would surely fade from this. His heart was broken. he was barely aware of his father putting his arms around him.

“Ion-nin, breathe, ion,” his father said, not quite yelling, but loud enough for him to snap out of his thoughts. “Ad-ada help me, please, take it from me, stop the pain, ple-” he begged. He begged and pleaded, he cried, he cried and screamed and sobbed and shouted. He needed it to stop. No, he needed Estel. “Aragorn, please, come back, don’t leave me alone,” be cried softly in his fathers arms.   
  


After that day, he sailed. He never looked back, for he couldn’t bare to see the world without his lover. Nothing could save him. He was never the same again. If only he had told Aragorn the truth. 


End file.
